Browns Very Own Camera/On Camera/Off Moment...

Ironic that the Labour Party did an entire campaign proclaiming that what the Tories said on camera didn't quite match what they said off it. Brown did the same today as the media are lovingly reporting. sadly Brown doesn't really work as well as Cameron with the concept...

On one hand I can sympathize with him, he can hardly play the innocent Father Dougal card and go "ah go on, you're a big fat racist now aren't you Ted?" when he encounters someone he genuinely thinks is a bigot. Instead he has to grit his teeth and play nice with the voter in case they start to describe him as a rude man, tell the neighbours, the nice man at the papershop and finally the press with the associated accusations of being rude and surly.

There are few people prepared to tell their boss what a Grade A cunt they are as it's unlikely to lead to a promotion or a pay raise, and will most likely have a somewhat negative impact on your ability to pay the mortgage. Now scale that up to the voting public and a media and a blogosphere breathlessly awaiting you to make a false move, and you're going to be willing to call the bastard offspring of Bat Boy and Kerry Katona 'lovely' and ignore the overriding scent of your own bullshit in an effort to play the good guy.


The other hand though, well you have a guy who automatically equates "issue with immigration" with someone who can hum the Horst Wessel out of their orifice of choice and who constantly bawls about other parties saying one thing and meaning another.

He hasn't just been hung by own petard, but drawn and quartered by it too. If you're going to play the Honesty Card then don't get caught out doing this kind of thing. You can get away with bullshitting away figures because Joe Public isn't right interested in those, but be two faced against an old biddy? Well son, you're fucked.

I could go on about there being genuine problems in Rochdale - in certain parts the colour of your skin determines whether you exit by the skin of it or not - but not today. Today I'm going to bask in Brown making an utter prick of himself a whole week before an election.

If The Tories Lose the Election...

They really have no one to blame but themselves.

Their entire output has been all about what Brown is rather than what they are. I know what Brown is, he's a dick on a eunuch, tits on a bull and a whole range of chocolate fireguards in one amazingly cretinous package. The only two uses I can think for Brown are 'paperweight' and 'draught excluder' and even at those I'd expect some epic fail.

Clegg must have looked at the Tories campaign and though half my work done! They've set up an entire campaign based on Anyone But Brown and seem shocked that the 'Anyone' part of that isn't necessarily them. They've not sold 'Tory' but 'Not Labour' as though they were the the only option.

I think the Tories really needed to sell themselves on traditional lines - no one voted for Thatcher because she was Mother Theresa's nicer twin, they voted her because they figured she'd do the job and if they were going to put up with some pain, then she looked the type to get over and done with. Which was true - Thatcher cops an awful lot of crap, some deservedly so, but throughout the 80's her policies utterly changed the UK for the better.

Of course Cameron is one of the touchy-feely breed, so I guess no one outside of Labours attack dogs thought that selling him as a cold-hearted bastard was ever going to work. But still, we have to go through some crap to fix the economy - and I think whoever that showed an ability to grasp the nettle and deal with it as quickly as possible, regardless of short-term pain, would by now be sitting on an unassailable lead.

Clegg-phobia

I am, at heart, a twisted fucker, and so in things like elections I like to watch people squirm and the sudden resurgence of Lib Dems is doing just that.

That puts me a in happy place. Labour, the Tories, the press... The entire current political system is attempting to turn it's guns on Clegg and it's a lot like watching Michael Moore running for a bus. Anguished wobbling ahoy!

I'm no fan of the Lib Dems, but watching them do this to the cosy Labour/Conservative axis is fun. Keep this up and they may even earn my vote, albeit a decision based on pure spite.

Plus I suspect they'd be really useless in power, which ought to mean no more of my freedoms getting eroded. Shy of an outright revolution we're stuck, parties like the LPUK are too late - they're not going to get in as their entire foundation relies on all those turkeys Labour have given the UK not only voting for Christmas, but saying 'YES' to introducing Thanksgiving over here.

Not. Going. To. Happen.

The Lib-Dems rise and promise to cut income tax may just be the grain of snow that slides down the mountain to eventually become an avalanche though, something that gives people a glimmer of the concept it doesn't have to be like this. They may be the foot in the door, they may be - unknowingly, unwillingly - the first small step to changing the political scene to the benefit of others.

It's a lot maybe's. And what people say in polls may not translate to what they do at the polling booth. But lets see, this may yet turn into the most amusing election since The Grey Man wiped the witless grin off cunty Kinnocks face.

Those Manifesto's in Brief

Labour: "Iiitttssssss Groundhog Day!"
Conservative: "Freedom for Tooting!"
Lib Dems: "Gis a job?"