Out of Recession

A quick cheer for that 0.1% growth eh? Well, 0.05% if you're the private sector.

The one that happened during the run up to Christmas. When shops are busier anyway. And in the run-up to end of the VAT cut when the government bet on people buying stuff before the return to 17.5%.

If we could only manage a piss-weak 0.1% rise then, guess we'll get that double dip for the election then.

Feminist Makes Arse of Herself

Attempted bansturabation rears its ugly head at university! Over what evil you may ask?

Feminist students claim the Masculinity Exploration Networking and Support (MENS) group – promotes 'beard-growing contests', 'beer marathons' and macho culture.

Oh no! Beard growing! They'll be joining CAMRA and indulging in pipes next! Macho culture? How fucking terrible! I mean, don't do something constructive like raising thousands for disaster victims will you? No, bitch and moan about people doing something they enjoy and worse, in no way forcing you to take part.

The group has 320 voluntary members, but that's not quite enough for student Caitriona Rylance; She said:

"Ostensibly devoted to ‘self-betterment’, the original aims of the Men’s Society were as follows: Top Gear shows, gadget fairs, beer drinking marathons and Iron Man competitions."

Well that sounds fucking terrible. Watching a popular TV show? Students binge drinking? Exercise? The horror!

Seems she's a communist/marxist - odd how she supports a political ethos that has overseen the death of millions, but has issues with people having fun. Another comedy thing is that the Communist Student group support the freeing of political prisoners, I assume no member has actually studied the history of nations who've adopted communist principles... Not like Cuba imprisons people. Or have their navy shoot and sink boats filled with civilians.

Curious how most capitalist leaning nations allow their citizens to go live in communist leaning nations, yet the reverse is usually stopped by armed guards, barbed wire and mines. Obviously more enlightened than us. Also curious the historical volume of people wishing to make trips of either direction leans to those running from communism...

Idiot Quote of The Week: Councillor Alan Roughley, Silly Fucker Extraordinaire

Oldham Council does a fine job in buffoons, but the brouhaha over DIY gritters brought out a wonderful quote:

“The company we bought them from have a range of products, all named after mountain peaks 'Everest' and 'Mont Blanc' to name but two, which hardly suggests they are primarily designed for spreading fertiliser.

“They are not designed to cope with eight inches of snow or the recent extreme low temperatures, when no road grit is effective.”

Face meet palm.

Not only does Roughly think the product name of something somehow marks it's effectiveness, he's also somewhat confused about the climates of the two mountains.

Councillor Alan Roughly - a prime example why Oldham Council is shit, a cock for all seasons and hopefully unceremoniously dispatched from office next election.

Brown to 'Woo Middle Class Voters'

According to the BBC.

Only way you'll manage that fuckface is by getting on the 4th plinth in Trafalgar Square, drawing a rusty katana and committing a particularly messy hari-kiri you big useless cunt.

Palestinians and their Placards...

Passing by the BBC in Manchester earlier and noticed a load of Palestinians and their sympathizers waving placards around - you know, the usual, poor widdle us, nasty Israelis...

Now, I have some sympathy for the Palestinians, but it's tempered by the fact they're largely architects of their own downfall.

Take the demand for their own homeland. They have one. It's called Jordan. It was the two-thirds of the Palestinian region given for one, or more, Arab nations. Why don't they live there now? Black September. Apparently trying to make regions of a nation autonomous, whilst using them as a base to attack a neighbouring country, offends said nations leaders. Who knew?

Shooting themselves in the foot goes back even further, back to the riots and massacres in the late 20's, which led to Haganah forming - the precursor to the IDF. In short, the Arabs and Palestinians in the region spent decades making the lives of Jews hell - the entire problem boils down to one set of bullies getting out-bullied by their victims and crying foul now they've got the shitty end of the stick.

Now I'm not saying Israel has done no wrong - they've shown themselves to be a bad faith party in negotiations and treat both civilian and paramilitary Palestinians with equal contempt - but what do you expect when spend decades oppressing, then declaring war, on a group? You end up with a merciless, hardened people who shall do unto you before you do unto them.

Of course the converse is true, just as the Palestinians created the modern harsh Israeli political outlook, so Israel is creating the same of the Palestinians. It offers a dire future for even a 2-party solution if you ask me, especially with Iran's nuclear ambitions - Tehran has learned from what happened to Iraq's nuclear program, and made it incredibly difficult for Israel to bomb their sites. Should Iran successfully become a nuclear power, then I suspect the Palestinians will rise up against Israel, even if they do have their own nation at the time.

I would hope a peaceful solution can be found, but the realist suspects it'll all end rather badly.

Wonder What the Tories Are After?

Word reaches my shell-like that the Tories are firing off a few FoI requests to NHS Trusts for ward information.

Love to know what for!

Quote of the Day

"While the country is struggling with the snow, the last thing we need is a bunch of has-been politicians telling us what is best for us." - Phil Woolas

Who knew Phil 'Pages' Woolas had such self-awareness of himself, his party and the entire British political system?

Labour Can't Even Do A Putsch On Themselves

Geoff 'Hoon' Cunt and Patricia Hewitt decided, the day after electioneering started, to have yet another crack at ousting Gordon Brown.

Given the last few attempts have failed, mainly due to Labour having less collective spine than a colony of nematodes, what on earth made them think this time round was going be the charm I don't know. More people are concerned about the weather, had they waited a couple of weeks they may have stood a chance of getting some support from the general public, but now?

As for Browns supporters, whining away - what the fuck did they expect? Brown has risen to the role of PM via threats, bullying and smear campaigns. Did he, and they, honestly think resentful targets of that nastiness wouldn't be waiting for a chance to slip a knife in? Did they think they'd just sit with their thumbs up their arses humming happy tunes?

Browns a divisive presence in the Labour party, and whatever he's like in private, as a leader he's about as warming as the weather outside, as skilled a media presence as Gary Glitter and about as competent as Mr Bean. He rules by clunking fear rather than skilled charm.

In short, Gordon Brown is politics very own Arnold Judas Rimmer.

Even if he survives this challenge and wins the election, there'll be other political assassins waiting in the wings. He collects enemies indiscriminately, and the reek of failure clings to him like a second skin - ever since he orchestrated Blair's removal the clocks been ticking on his premiership, it's been a third rate production of 'Macbeth', Macberk anyone? And Dunsinane woods is slowly on the march...

The irony is that if Labour didn't have such a ridiculously locked down leadership - a reflection of their centralist, overbearing and authoritarian attitude - they'd have rid by now. But a system designed to protect the Labour leadership from challenges has instead ensured a slow lingering death of Browns position, this protracted death-by-inches can only destroy their popularity further. Pillocks.

A Guide To Completely Shutting A Town Off

Step 1: Close down the train line, one of the main forms of travel in the town.
Step 2: Adopt a gritting policy guaranteed to piss everyone off, stop bus services and make main roads dangerous.

In many parts of Greater Manchester this morning there were no buses running, oddly enough train services were running - not perfectly, but they were running, which may have been useful in Oldham - but alas, it's been decided we're getting a more expensive alternative, and so no more trains.

The Metrolink conversion was supposed to be done in stages, in order to avoid situations like today (and probably tomorrow too), but that was reneged on. I'm too tired at the moment to have a proper tirade, so I'll just settle on announcing the fucking geniuses who thought that a good idea are cunts.

Edit - seems nationalrail has died under the requests, and the GMPTE website this morning was running like a blind man doing the hurdles. Information overload? Not for the fuckers trying to get the information.

Not Enough Gritting Salt - A Climate Education

Why the merry fuck have councils not stored enough grit?

Here's the thing, the UK occupies similar latitudes to Belarus, which means London's climate ought to be similar to Minsk's, but we're lucky - we get the North Atlantic Conveyor bringing us lots of lovely warmth.

Of course the amount of warmth is variable, and it's really not the sort of thing you rely on during, say, winter. The default position of the UK's winter climate ought to be 'cold and snowy', with grit and services kept with that in mind, not 'mild and wet.'

The Jamaican authorities could be understandably caught out by a massive snowstorm, the UK ones though? Fucking cretins.

Predictions for 2010

Lets have a crack at a few predictions for this year...

Politics
I'm wondering if Brown will step down before the election, he's never had to face a proper challenge, and so may opt to avoid an embarrassing defeat. If he does fight the election, then I don't expect to step down afterwards regardless of the elections result.

I also expect the election to be held some time in March, we ought to be officially out of recession then and Browns New Year speech consisted of warning everyone not to let the Tories wreck the 'recovery.' It seems an economic bounce is going to be Browns weapon against the Tories, and given the footfall in shops over the last couple of weeks there ought to be some good news. Any later than March and they risk the economy dipping again, which would surely kill off any fading chances Labour have of winning the election.

The fact Labour cannot afford two electoral campaigns - we have local elections in May - isn't going to be an issue, as I'm pretty sure Brown will sacrifice victories in the local elections is exchange for greater success in the general election. Grassroots Labour may differ on that view, but when exactly has the New Labour project given a flying fuck about grassroots?

I reckon we'll see a hung parliament - most people detest Labour, but the Tories aren't offering anything substantial, and the Lib Dems simply aren't popular enough. No party has ignited public opinion, and apathy and disgust will rule the roost. Hopefully a large number of independents will feature in the next parliament, but even there we don't have many Martin Bell's capturing people attention.

Economics
The UK will retain it's AAA status. The market has already marked us down, and the rating agencies know marking us down officially may cause panic and start another economic disaster with sovereign debt.

The IMF will make noises about the UK economy. If there's a hung parliament, loud noises.

If a Tory majority, figures will be released about a 25% cut in public expenditure, making life very hard for the Tories.

Someone, somewhere will look at how much we give to other countries, compare it to the cuts we have to make, make a quick calculation and that'll be one of Cameron's first problems when the press start asking why we're sacking teachers but giving India and China free money.

There will be a douple-dip recession.

Rumblings will indicate something nasty in 2011.

Employment
There'll be a raft of redundancies towards summer, pushing unemployment over 3 million.

Society
More of the same. Adolescent crime and low-level annoyances will creep up, X Factor, same old shit.