Baron von Mandelson: Ve Haf Achieved 80%!

Nuremberg, 1946.

Baron von Mandelson, whose recent memoirs "The Third Reich Bastard", defended the National Socialist Party by saying it had managed most of it's aims during it's 13 year reign, before being brought down by a coalition.

"Look at Dresden. Our demolition was a flaming success - our Social Housing for the Future would have arisen from the ashes if not for the coalitions routine harassment of our plans!

"And German Jobs for German People! We managed that too. And of course we all got filthy rich. Which, obviously, was the main aim. I mean, you cannot expect men of our calibre to rule a bunch of uneducated muppets without a certain level of humongous recompense, questionable mortgages and visits to incredibly wealthy people yachts when in a position to do them favours. Not that I did of course, and anyone suggesting otherwise can expect a letter from my friends Karter-Fokker."

With a sigh, and a look of someone talking about an utterly contemptuous piece of shit attached to his heel, the Baron added:"The Fuhrer wanted to go further with reforms, but Braun was having none of it."

When asked about the parties future, von Mandelson laughed and shouted out "Balls!" before humming the theme from Dr Strangelove and heading off to his platinum-coated limo filled with South American rent boys.

Moat's Family 'Angry'

Not at the deceased Raoul though, because, y'know, that would be sensible. And this is shit-on-my-shoe level British society, which doesn't do sensible when batshit insane or compensation-chasing are available options.

His brother and uncle are a tad upset they didn't get chance to have a little talk with him when he was busy doing his Kurt Cobain impersonation, although perhaps if they'd had a little sit down and discussion with him a bit sooner about steroid abuse, wandering around with weapons and generally acting like someone for whom prison was going to be an eventuality, then maybe he wouldn't be occupying a slab with a head like a polo mint.

Raoul Moat had three children, including a daughter who'll only ever know him as the man who shot mummy, who will grow up under the shadow of being fathered by a man who declared war on the police, had a history of violence, murdered a man, shot the woman his said he loved and finally ended himself whilst an ex-footballer farcically tried to get to see him with a kebab and a tinny.

Really, Chris Morris wouldn't have dreamed this up as satire.

Maybe Angus and Charles Moat would be better off trying to ensure Raouls offspring take a different road in life than their father? Just a thought.

Bats in Number 10!

No doubt having escaped from the belfry that is Gordon Brown's marbles...

Treating People Just Like Pawns in Chess

The recent Gove cock-up over education, giving Ed 'my mother should have drank gallons of meths-infused gin and have repeatedly and vehemently rammed an ebola-coated knitting needle up her cunny whilst pregnant with me' Balls a chance to go for the coalitions throat, kind of highlights how - no matter who is in charge of the nation - it's all something of a game to them.

Education is an importing thing. Very important as it provides the best tools for social mobility, to improve your lot in life and to provide for you and yours. Any silly fucker can clean toilets for a living, and frequently it is the silly fuckers who end up doing so, the cleverer ones realizing that higher-wages come with Knowing Stuff and Having Qualifications.

When Labour were in power, education was less about helping people and more about providing tractor stats, and now they're out they're using it as a weapon against the Coalition. It's not really helped than Gove comes across as fucking useless, that maybe they'd have been better employing a squeaky toy in the role.

No one seems to really give a fuck about those who'll actually be effected by it all, poor widdle kids are great to drag out when you're a weaselling little twat with all the mores of a bottom-feeding ambulance chaser or a minister with all the charm of an infected toenail.

So really, same shit, different government - we have a group of elected shits insulated from the nation at large moving vast sums of our current and future taxation like a bunch of Hollywood starlets playing Risk for real, with another bunch of elected shits acting like the peanut gallery.

One of the biggest arguments I've heard against PR is the erosion of the constituency link, and when I look at this gurning pricks who earn multiples of their constituents average salaries, I think we lost that link a long time ago. Now a politicians main goal is to keep in with Party Central, as if they do lose a seat if they've brown-nosed enough there will always be opportunities to be parachuted into safe seats or the Lords.

More of a ramble than a post this, but oh well....

Tony Blair Get a Peace Medal

At least it's not a Nobel.

So Tony Blair, who dragged us into two wars - one with a certain amount of justification, the other most assuredly not - and seems to have spent his Middle Eastern Envoy role as one big fucking jolly on the taxpayers expense, gets a medal.

Now I can see the NI argument, although John Major's government did a hell of a lot of groundwork, but given how the little turd infamously told the world it was not a time for quips and then proceeded to provide one I'd much rather see him awarded a punch in the face.

Never mind, bit of extra cash for Cherie, eh?

Belt Tightening, G8 Style

Nothing quite like leading by example is there?

Not all of Canada is happy with the bill - $1.1bn (£732m) it cost, to talk about the need for greater austerity. This includes $57,000 for a fake lake in the media centre. The G8 meeting was held in a lakeside resort some 100 miles north of Toronto, so to bring some spirit of place inside this vast aircraft hanger of an exhibition centre, they've build a deck flanked by racks of canoes, with spacious wooden chairs, overlooking a cinema-sized screen playing scenes of boating or tracking shots across forests and lakes. Huge speakers twitter bird song which unfortunately competes with the coarse shrieks and roars of "homo footballus" watching another big screen nearby.

They've spent over a billion dollars (I assume  that's US dollars, not the Canuckistani Monopoly-board stuff) on a meeting. About spending less. Thank fuck it wasn't about spending more, otherwise they may have spent the UK's GDP on an artificial ocean on the fucking moon, and shipped up hookers with cash machines installed in their vaginas!

Words don't fail me, I just don't think I could type 'cunts' in a large enough font, or in such number, to adequately express my complete, utter and frothing contempt for these creatures. Surely everyone, of all political stripes, skin colour, religious beliefs and creeds can come together - with even the most ultra-Zionist Jew hugging the most anti-semite Hamas member hugging in agreement - that these fuckers have to go.

The message from the G8 and G20 was plain, simple and clear:

We all have to tighten our belts. And of course when we say 'we', we mean 'you'

Arseholes to the lot of them.

Death Penalty

Over at Boaty and D, they've been discussing the death penalty, and felt it was worth a quick post.

Now I proclaim myself as someone who is for the death penalty in principle, but not in practice - the concept of some people needing to be permanently removed from society is a sound one. If you have someone who cannot or will not be rehabilitated, or has committed a crime that any length of incarceration would exceed their lifespan, then it is only rational that they need to be excised from the world.

Now that only works on the assumption that the person is 100% guilty, and that is where the doubts creep in. The police and justice system hardly provide comfort in that regard. There are plenty of tales of miscarriages of justice, and no doubt more will come out of the woodwork - in such cases any execution would be cold blooded murder.

And I'm not sure I could sanction such a thing in my name.

There are arguments that in some cases, in the US for example, where death would be seen as a preferable to having to live in jail - one that makes Lord of the Flies look like an Enid Blyton book - for years of rape and beatings, before being released. As arguments go it's pretty pisspoor, and is, if anything, an argument of making prisons a place to punish criminals and not enclaves of barbarism.

All said and done, there is a place for a death sentence, but the criteria to which it is applied must be so strict that it is only ever applied to the true monsters, and with such a weight of evidence required it is even then a rarity.

As technology improves, that too would have to be taken into account - a CCTV tape of someone killing someone now pretty much proves it happened, short of a TV show plot or two, but in another 10 years? Then you could probably kill someone, film it and edit it to show Elvis committing the crime.

Death is the ultimate sanction, and should be treated with all the care, paranoia and surplus of doubt it deserves.